What Is Real Thirst?

"A Passion For Thee"
1. Set my heart, O dear Father, On Thee, and Thee only, Give me a thirst for Thy presence divine. Lord, keep my focus on loving Thee wholly, Purge me from earth; Turn my heart after Thine.

Chorus:
A passion for Thee; O Lord, set a fire in my soul, and a thirst for my God. Hear Thou my prayer, Lord, Thy power impart. Not just to serve, but to love Thee with all of my heart.

2. Father fill with Thy Spirit, and fit me for service, Let love for Christ every motive inspire, Teach me to follow in selfless submission, Be Thou my joy and my soul's one desire.

Chorus


All this week at Pillsbury we've been having "evangelistic meetings" with a special evangelist. It's been every morning and evening Tuesday-Thursday, and we have one more tomorrow morning. I've enjoyed them, even while pondering the church's take on modern evangelism. I have my doubts about typical "evangelists" these days, and their chosen styles. I'm not sure how big a fan I am of having an alter call at every service, nor of the "sinner's prayer". I've appreciated the fact that the "sinner's prayer" has basically been dissed by Pillsbury. But that's another subject for another time. I will say that there is definitely a time and place for alter calls, even for Christians. I find that there is a need to be public about something, or simply to step forward in faith and say "I'm listening God".

It occured to me while reading another blog that while I feel I'm quite personal here on my blog, I don't let you in on my inner thoughts, dreams, and struggles. Don't worry, I'm not about to start doing that. Those things are private, and not meant for blogs. They are meant to be few and far between and in with close friends. But tonight I find it's beneficial to be brutally honest and share a portion, or at least a small inch of what's on my heart.

So for tonight, I'm trying to decide if I'm thirsty. To go even deeper than that, I'm trying to define thirst. I'm not talking about the recommended 80 ounces of water a day, or drinking Gatorade instead of Soda. No, I'm talking about a thirst for the Lord. The Psalmist says in Psalm 42:1-2 "As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."
We sang the hymn at the beginning of this blog in the service tonight, and frankly, I couldn't sing very loud. The hymn did go along with the message and alter call, but it caused me to go a wondering. Do I know what a real thirst for God is, and do I have it?

I'm sick of the highs and lows of Christianity. One thing that I've been so grateful for in the past year is a more "flat-ground" faith. Not as many roller coasters to deal with. There are no doubt still hills and valleys, but they're not as earth-shattering. I've been learning to walk with the Lord day by day, and to deal with them when they come, and not be a drama queen about things. But still the question remains, do I thirst for God? I felt somewhat like a rock when the sermon didn't move and convict me more than usual. When I, who tends to be a very emotional person, wasn't moved to tears by the people going to the alter. On one hand, this is encouraging because I've been giving God my emotions, and He's been helping me handle them rightly. On the other hand, I feel almost callous.

Several of my newest and closest friends here at Pillsbury are dealing with some serious stuff right now. Their families have issues, and just lots of stuff. I too have family issues, but in comparison, they're not that major. I find myself thanking God for my parents, and then thanking my parents for being such great parents. When I look at what I could have gotten, I become incredibly thankful for what I do have. All that to say, I'm thankful to the Lord that I'm learning to deal with things well, and not have to go running to a floor-leader or someone like that to get counseling every week. I can see God maturing me for Him. But still the question remains, am I thirsty?

I don't know the answer, except for this. I'm thirsty for the knowledge that I'm starting to get here at Pillsbury. I'm thirsty for growth in the Lord. I'm thirsty to know more about the scriptures. I'm thirsty to be better prepared for life in the ministry. I'm thirsty to be in the ministry. These are all great thirsts, but am I thirsty for God? For the pure and simple love of God and His word? Not because it's homework, but because I want to commune with my God and Savior? As the hymn says, "Not just to serve, but to love thee with all of my heart".

My prayer tonight is for brokeness and thirst. To not simply know what I have to do and then do it, or allow God to work in me, but to sit at His feet. Mary truely was more blessed than Martha. She got to sit at Christ's feet and be touched by Him. Martha loved the Lord as well, but she missed the importance of simply being, and not doing. So I pray to stop doing and learning long enough to be at Christ's feet.

"Lord, I don't know what kind of a thirst I need. I don't want a mountain top experience, but I want a thirst for you. One that never goes away Father. I pray tonight for a thirst that is never quenched. Let me sit at your feet and simply soak you up. I pray to not be concerned about getting another thing right, even trying too hard to get a thirst for you right. Let me simply be. Let everything about YOU be in me. May all that I am be a reflection and overflowing of You. Make me thirsty God. Make me thirsty for You and only You. I confess losing my focus and being concerned with things of this world, and the people of it. There are things I need to do, and people I need to love and be there for, but YOU are my existence. May you always be the Lover of my soul, and the fulfillment of it. May my thirst be quenched only by you, only to have a greater thirst that is deepened by being with you. Let my cup overflow Father, but pour me out as well. Father, my Abba, Oh Daddy, hold me, for I need you so right now."