Technically this is officially my 51st post on "Forever Seeking Weakness". Wow. That's a lot of writing and chattering in the last 2 months. I would like to mark this occasion with this thought:
What do you say?
I had this thought and song running through my head today. So many times in our lives we don't know what to say about anything. For about the last couple weeks, but especially the last 24 hours I've had a situation on my mind. It's to personal to share, but this thought has stemmed from it. And so I'm left asking what do I say? The answer for this particular thing has come, and the answer is nothing. Sometimes it's better to say nothing at all.
This song has a beautiful melody, but unfortunatly it points to your heart as having all the answers. The answers don't come out of our hearts, they come out of God's word. The Bible talks about how our hearts are deceitful and wicked, who can know them? I praise God that He knows my heart and loves me anyway.
What do you say when a couple who only want to raise children for the Lord are given 2 handicapped kids? What do you say when a loving husband is beheaded in Iraq? What do you say when your friend won't tell you what's wrong? What do you say when you're not really happy for someone? What do you say when joy overflows your heart? What do you say when you watch 2 people you care about commit their lives to each other forever? What do you say when you see those first pictures of the baby? What do you say when you realize that God is no longer near, but that you have not drawn near to Him? What do you say when God says "Give it up, give it to me, let it go, let me have it, trust me my child, I have something far better"? What do you say when you have to say good-bye and you know it's for forever? What do you say when you can't say good-bye? What do you say when life brings pleasure and when it brings pain? What do you say when you realize once again that you're only a sinner saved by grace and that you don't deserve God's love? What do you say when you realize that God is once again showing you He's in control and that you have to trust Him? What do you say when God changes your plans because of that? What do you say when you can say nothing at all?
You pray. God is the only reason we can say anything at all. Our very air comes only from Him. The strength to move our lips comes from Almighty God.
So I say this: "Father, I don't know what to say or even pray. I'm full of flaws, I'm sinful, I can't do it God. But you can. So please Help!" Sometimes He answers the way I want, sometimes He doesn't. Either way, What do I say?
I say: "Thank you God. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Please hold me. Please wipe away my tears. Please gather my tears in your bottle. I love you Abba."
Someday I would like to write something about Psalm 56:8. I looked back over my recent posts, and noticed that I've been talking about crying a lot lately. Not because I've been doing a lot of crying physically, but because my heart has been crying out to God.
Psalm 56:8 says this:
"You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?"
I would love someday to get a tear bottle. Dawn (I worked with her back home) has one, and it's so great. It's a wonderful reminder that God is gathering my tears in His bottle. I don't have to handle them, He will.
I'm so thankful that when I don't know what to say about anything or about something in particular, that God knows. When I can't even pray, God knows the cry of my heart.
So let's not follow our hearts and let it lead the way, let us instead follow God's word and let him lead us. And as I let go and say nothing at all but this, "Thank you God for gathering my tears in your bottle." And I know He sees me. He sees me as Lovely.
Because of the blood of Christ we are lovely.
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