A lot of us can be envious of others and all their accomplishments. For me, it's hard to not look at other Momma's who just seem to have it all together and have 12 kids and raise chickens and sheer their own sheep and make their own almond milk. Ok, that's a bit much. But sometimes it feels like that's what I'm up against. And you know what? I'm getting more and more ok with it. I'm learning to do what I do because I need to do it. We've been watching a friend's 2 year-old daughter this week while her daycare provider is on vacation. It's been super fun and a little bit like having twins. Levi's enjoyed the cohort in crime. :) We made a grocery run to Wal-Mart this morning out of desperation cries from the fridge. Or rather from me who didn't have cereal thanks to the lack of milk. Pretty much everyone there I think thought I had twins, big cart with the extra seats on back, lots of food, etc...As I was unloading the groceries into the car an older lady commented, that's a handful, good for you. I said thanks, not bothering to explain only one ruffian was permanently mine, and wondered this...If I'd had only my ruffian along and he was not trying to impale another with an acquired spoon from the diaper bag, would it still be good for me? Not to take away from her point, and I appreciated her encouragment, but in my heart I had to ask why it seems more fulfilling to manage more children or issues?
Will I only think I'm "Superwoman" if I manage a household of 5 kids, run an in home day care, make my clothes from scratch, etc? Or am I amazing because I'm alive and get out of bed in the middle of the night to put 1 child back to sleep? Am I fulfilled now as a Mommy and wife? (I need to switch to Mommy, Levi never caught on to calling me Momma...sigh...)Or will I only be when we have more kids? If Levi's our only child we get to raise to adulthood, will I still be worthy of the "Mommy Badge"?
Here's the thing, I myself have a judgemental spirit, and with the world of facebook (yes I'm still on that) and blogs, it's so much easier for us to spout out random opinions without regarding who we're judging without knowing them. You may be super passionate about cloth diapering and post for the world how they should all cloth diaper. What if you buy diapers with welfare/food stamps and they won't pay for cloth diapers? What if the only way you can diaper your child is with disposable? Why should I put the "guilt" or responsibility on you for something you can't control? Why should I make you feel like less of a Mom because you don't do what I do?
And that's the rub. You are who you are. I am who I am. I don't know everything about you just as you don't know everything about me. You don't know why I choose to cloth diaper only some of the time. You don't know that high-fructose corn syrup will kill us all. I don't know that nursing a 2-year-old is a healthy thing for you. We have our opinions, but the amazing thing is, I'm only accountable for me.
I only have to be "superwoman" for my son and my husband. And they happen to both like me right now. (Don't ask Levi in 13 years I'm sure.)
I'm learning to watch my mouth, and doing a horrible job in the meantime. But know this, my heart has known deep hurts and through that I've learned we all have our inner pains and demons. So I can simply say a prayer for something I see that causes me concern and keep trying to amaze my husband. That's my job. To be the best wife to the husband God has given me, and to be the most amazing Mommy to the boy I've been given. Period.
Now, to lighten the mood, a little Levi face for you...He thought the dog at Old Navy was real...
No comments:
Post a Comment