Lists

I'm going to contradict myself after my last post. Sort of. You'll see.

I always wondered why people made lists. Grocery lists I could kind of understand. Who wants to be a store that just tempts you longer than necessary? But other reasons to make a list? Didn't understand. Because I remembered everything in my head. Usually.

Now?

I get it.

I've lost my mind. So lists are becoming where I store it. You really do have "pregnancy brain" when you are pregnant. You think you'll get your mind back when you have the baby. Nope, it's now gone and you're sleep deprived on top of it. I've decided you really never get it all back. And the part that does stick around/return? You never have quiet in which to use it. Yes, there is a time now at this age of toddlerhood that I have an hour or two in the evening "to myself" or to my husband. But by that point you just want to turn off your brain and get ready to recharge.

Silence. What a glorious thing. I know I just posted about the Silence of God. That's a different kind of silence. You know those fleeting thoughts you have throughout the day? Thoughts like this:
~I should really update my photos on Facebook
~I should really plan my meals for the week
~I should really organize my desk
~I should really blog more regulary. Make a schedule, or at least take a picture every day.
~I should journal about Levi's growth
~I should plan a cleaning schedule
~I should sit down and talk to God
~I should call that person
~I should write thank-yous
~etc, etc, etc...

If you're not married, or if you're not into children yet, you wonder why I don't just do it? It's not that I'm not disciplined, well not horribly at least. I'm working on it, add it to my list. It's that I have no silence. There is always noise going on or some immediate task that needs doing. Or a little boy who needs playing with. I have no time to "sit" and think. I feel as though I have no time to just think.
This isn't a complaint. There are things I need to do about it. It's just realizing how tired my brain is and how overstimulated. I don't always listen to that inner voice anymore. My running commentary is tired. It's slow.

You know where this is leading right?


Earlier mornings. I've tried, I really have. But it's time to try again.
Early to bed, early to rise.
I'm not sure how healthy or wealthy it will make me, but it might make me wiser.
So I'm going to try, to find a bit of silence.
And I'm going to start writing better lists, ones that will actually get checked off. Not just "wish lists" of how organized I wish I would be.

But give me some grace, for you Momma's realize that even as I'm typing this I have a little boy pushing the backspace key on me.

I love this stage, I just need to work on being more efficient with it. Why more efficient? Not just to have more time, but to have more time to play with this joy of a terror. Because I love him, but he keeps growing up...and I don't think he's going to stop.
*wipes away a tear