Perspective

We spent the evening in the ER again last night. It's been a while, over a year actually. And the last time Levi was soooo sick. Oxygen, x-rays, ambulance rides, 5 days in St. Cloud hospital, etc... Not exactly something I wanted to repeat. I had taken Levi to the Dr. Wednesday evening because he was tugging at his ears and had good cold symptoms. His chest was clear, his strep test negative, but really nice red ears. So a antibiotic and we were on our way. Levi didn't sleep really well that night, he just wanted to be held. We spent yesterday in our pjs mostly because Levi didn't want me out of his sight. He seemed to be coughing more, but okay mostly. After dinner though, his fever was pretty high and he started just shaking and wheezing. I think he was cold and had a hard time breathing from shaking so hard? Not sure.

So we took him to the ER. Not my favorite way to spend money but we don't take chances with his breathing. Thankfully, Andrew was with so when it came time for the chest x-ray, Dad was in charge, I stood outside the door trying not to cry. In case your young child has never had to have a chest x-ray, here's the scoop. They sit on what looks like a bicycle seat with no shirt, their arms up in the air and plastic holds pushed up against their bodies. Not comfortable, scary, and generally just makes them scream. It's hard to explain to them that it's for their own good but yet all they know is that you're hurting them.

The Good News? No pneumonia, but definitely some wheezing in his lungs. So a nebulizer treatment and some steriods were given and it helped alot. The Dr. said it could have become bronchitis or pneumonia but we caught the inflammation in time. So the steriods should help and we'll do more neb treatments at home.

The point? After so many crazy hospital visits in the last 16 months, I'm learning something. My son carries my heart in his body. Literally I guess due to DNA, but I think he would no matter his conception. When a child is yours, you are literally watching your heart walk around out there. God gives us such a love for them, probably so the sleepless nights don't make us want to give them away. :)

I saw a couple posts on Facebook last night about people's rough days. And I had to shake my head, because I complain too, a lot sometimes. But in contrast to the journey we've had with Levi, these problems seem a bit small and inconsequential. Because when it comes to your child, everything else is secondary. When you're watching your child struggle to breath, or in pain, or whatever, your heart is on the line.

The big picture? I now have the smallest, tiniest insight into God the Father. I am by no means saying I have any love in comparison to God's, but when I think about our Savior, Jesus, hanging on a cross, dieing, and the Love God the Father had for His son, it brings me to tears. Because His son was dieing, was in inexplainable pain, and what did He have to do? Turn His back on Him, because of the sin Jesus was carrying for all of us. The "worst" part? Because of God's holiness He had to turn away in anger. He had to put His anger for the sin onto His son. So He loved His son and hated to see Him suffering. But in His righteousness He burned with anger over the sin His son was carrying. So He turned His back and His son died.

What Love is This?

As a parent, you would do anything to spare your child pain, but you do what's best for them. So it is with God. And I'm so thankful.

Update on Levi: He's doing okay, currently whining for some breakfast. :)