True Gratitude

I've been reading lots of blogs and facebook messages about being truly thankful this time of year. Thanksgiving is less than a week away, and I really sense people, especially Christians, attempting to have a greater attitude of true Thanksgiving. I haven't been ignorant of this, and really, I agree. But somewhere deep in my heart this past week, I've been rebelling. Because I don't feel thankful.

I've always struggled my whole life with how God takes care of us and other people. For example, in college, I worked my tail off trying to pay my bills and not rack up credit card debt and get good grades. And then I'd listen to other people who played sports/did music/ didn't work talk about gifts (of money) that God bestowed upon them to pay their bills. And really, the attitude of "NOT FAIR!" crept into my heart. Okay, I was wrong, God is not fair to us, praise the Lord!! He is merciful and gracious and I certainly don't want what's "fair".

That said, I struggle with how God provides for others and seemingly not for us...which I've been so convicted of this week.

I have sooo very much to be thankful for, the biggest of which is my salvation. Then comes my husband, my soon to be born son, my extended family, my amazing church family, I could go on...but that's not the point either.

The point is this, I need to have an "attitude of gratitude" no matter what. Even if I have no physical possessions and poor health and no family. I'm loved by God and He's gracious enough to allow me to be saved and to serve Him. That's more than enough for an entire lifetime of gratitude.
There is a single gal who's been coming to our church lately. And she's teaching me a lot. She has so much she could complain about, no job, few possesions, no car, and she's trying so hard!! And whenever I talk to her, she's smiling and just thankful that someone picks her up for church. I managed to lay hold of some clothes this week that expanded her wardrobe by leaps and bounds. And I was convicted.

Money is tight for us, we've been pouring everything into our savings account for when I'm on maternity leave to be able to pay the bills. And so, Christmas is going to be interesting, and people don't understand that. I keep realizing how much a baby "needs" like sheets for the crib to start with! But then, when I'm freaking out because we don't have a dresser/changing table to put the baby's clothes in, I'm thankful we already have clothes for our baby and really, if we can't afford a dresser for him, he could care less that his clothes are stored in a rubbermaid.
And really, we "can" afford it, I'm just not willing to dig into that savings account. So I'm praying really hard and trusting God...because as these lyrics that have been going through my head all day say, what we "want" and what we "need" are so different!
"Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need"
So, I'm going to meditate on this verse "And my God will supply every NEED of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus"
and this song will be in my heart as well...
and I'm grateful, for a God who loves me and died for me, for a husband who's doing such a great job of taking care of us, and for my son, dresser/cloth diapers/clothes and whatever else excluded...
And thank you Lord, for everything.



Nichole Nordeman "Gratitude"
Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view
If no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessd beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace ...

But, Jesus, would You please ...