You Alone

One of my dearest friends on this earth lost her elderly father yesterday. But I love the way her husband phrased it. God answered their prayers and her father is now free in Heaven. For Believers, We feel the loss, God feels the welcoming them home. As I spoke to her multiple times yesterday, we shared the sorrow, but were also able to share several answers to prayer in the whole situation and in other areas of our lives. God boggles my mind. We so often limit His abilities based on what we think will happen or our cynicism. God is not dependant on us to work. He doesn't need our help, He alone is worthy and powerful.

So today, as we marvel at the Grace of God and the homegoing of one of His saints, these words echo in my heart. (A note about this particular saint. No matter our failings as husbands/wives/parents, God works. Both this man's daughters are married to pastors, one a very famous family, a son who's a pastor, and so many grandkids/great grandkids who were/are raised to love and serve Christ. That's a legacy we can pray for no matter our failings.)


You are not a God
Created by human hands
You are not a God
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a God
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that's just the way it is

[chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You were on the throne
You are God alone

You're the only God
Whose power none can contend
You're the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You're the only God
Who's worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And that's just the way it is

[chorus]

[bridge]
Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

[bridge]
[chorus]
[bridge]

~So in our good times and bad, let's remember God doesn't need us to work. But when He chooses to let us watch and participate in His plan, let's remember who's worthy!

Mercy and Grace

I'm remembering way back to my own AWANA days on this one. I had to memorize the difference in Mercy and Grace. We as Christians often use them interchangeably, but I do think it's an important part of salvation and life to distinguish them.
Here are a few rough definitions from what I remember from AWANA:

~Mercy is God NOT giving us what we DO deserve. ie. destruction, sickness, death, disease, an eternity in hell seperated from Him.

~Grace is God giving us what we DON'T deserve. ie. joys, blessings, love, happiness, a home, job, family, friends, earthly pleasures, but best of all, an eternity with Him on a new Earth that is perfect.

Today, I need both of these in great abundance. I need His mercy to not let Levi get any sicker. When he coughs and turns pale I envision losing him. It's been such a long road and I need God's mercy to get through a winter of this.
I need Grace to enjoy the little things in my day. Such as Levi finally sleeping for more than 15 minutes. A husband who rocked him back to sleep at 5:45am when I couldn't bear to get up one more time.

Ugh, and now I need mercy and grace to deal with the fact that as soon as I type this, he's awake again. I love my son, I'm so thankful for his every breath. But I'm thankful for the grace and mercy of God that allow me to love him no matter what.

A Day Awry

This isn't the weekend I had planned. It's the first weekend in literally 8 weeks that we've either not been gone somewhere, or home without company here. Don't get me wrong, I love our families and the opportunities we've had the past 7 weeks. But I was tired, I missed lazy weekends with my husband and son and dog. So I was anticipating a good weekend.

And then Levi starting running a temp and stuffy nose. This was Thursday night. He did a bit better yesterday so we stayed up wayyyy too late at some friends where she and I played cribbage until we'd laughed ourselves silly and the boys tried to conquer each other in Risk. We had lot of fun. Levi slept fine in his carseat. Then when we got home well past our bedtimes I placed him in his crib where he slept for about 15 minutes and woke crying his heart out. And he stayed awake for well over an hour. In which time I deduced I was now feeling pretty lousy myself. So we rocked, and rocked, and rocked. He finally fell asleep and I drug my poor self off to bed.
There isn't that a sad story? :)

So today was spent in our jammies watching the BBC version of Pride and Predudice. Which I had never seen any version of before. It was great. I get all the hype now. It was absolutely fabulous. Levi's been napping off and on all day, in the midst of learning to crawl and pulling himself all over the floor and into stuff. He's finally got the "army" crawling down. Now we must baby-proof to some extent. At least vacuum more often anyway. And it hit me. He's 9 months old today. He's crawling. It's amazing, like every new thing he does is to us.

And my husband? Well, he's absolutely fantastic. He's been carrying for our sick selves all afternoon. He's pretty much the best there ever has been husband/daddy-wise. I'm blessed. And so, it's not the "relaxing" weekend I'd planned. But really, that's okay. It's been a bonding experience. And a reminder of what I'm thankful for.

A Sign of Maturity?

I was 14 almost 15 when I got my first checking account and checkbook. I was so excited because it felt like such a big responsibility and sign of adulthood. I had my own job, my own money, and my own checkbook. I thought of the joy I'd get from balancing my checkbook each month. Eagerly anticipating that first statement to show how good my math skills were. Well, that first statement came, and boy, did I have a lot to learn about keeping track of my money.

That was over 10 years ago and now, I either know better, or the checkbook has lost it's allure. After we got married, it was pretty much decided that I would handle the bill-paying/checkbook balancing/money-keeping aspect of our marriage. Andrew always looked at the bills and knew what was going on, I just got the joy of actually doing it. Mostly because it comes a little easier to me than him, and also I had a little more time at home during that time than he did. I didn't mind, it was a challenge and fun to be "grown-up" in that area.
4 years later, I hate, Hate, HATE balancing our checkbook. I'm not sure if it's because they're so little in it or what exactly. But I hate it. And so, ever since I went into the hospital while pregnant with Levi, I haven't done it. That's been like 11 months ago now almost. So really, I need to grow up and balance our checkbook.

But here's a few complaints first:
1. We hardly ever write checks anymore. Debit cards, online bill pay, automatic deductions. All these lead to lost receipts, not printing out payments, and forgetting that that bill was paid automatically.
2. There's never enough money to make it seem positive.

And that's all I'll complain about. Because Andrew has a job and God has blessed us with a roof and food. So I need to be thankful, shut up, and be mature enough to balance that checkbook.

Blink and You'll Miss It

There's a country song with the title "Don't Blink". Based on the thought that if you blink, you'll miss your life going by. I feel a bit like that today. Apparently my last post about Levi's eight months was my 200th post. And I didn't realize, because like Momma's do, I was focused on my son. Levi's wearing jeans and a long-sleeved tee today in this cool weather. He's gotten sooo long all of the sudden. I realized that we need to put the heater back in his room to keep him warm at night since he kicks his blanket off. He was so itty-bitty last time we needed that. Okay, sniffle sniffle...

In other news, we spent a LOT of money yesterday. I was hoping that I'd be able to tell you that it was on a new laptop (No, we don't really have the money to spare, but we've been hoarding birthday money and with Levi, a computer that could actually upload pictures in less than an hour would be nice.) But unfortunately, it wasn't for a computer that we shelled out more money than should be allowed. No, it was on new brakes and routers (sp?) for our car's suddenly noisy braking job on the front end. And we were hundreds of miles from home. UGH. Not a fun expense at all. All I wanted to do was be crabby and mad that God could allow this. But thankfully, God gripped my heart pretty quickly and I found myself being thankful that we had, no joke, exactly the right amount of money set aside for a computer that the brake job required. You can't tell me that was chance. And the fact that we noticed it and got it taken care of before our brakes failed on the way home is something to be thankful for too.
And there's also the retirement account for a computer right? :)

I still sense a season of change ahead for us. I pray that it's an accurate feeling. Frankly, I pray for a move to somplace that has a door to Levi's room. Not a necessity either, but it sure would make sleep time less stressful, especially as he gets mobile. It's just something I pray about.

Along with a chance to see Val and baby K. And it looks liek that may in fact happen this month. Oh how I miss them, they are dear to my heart. Yes Will, I miss you too but frankly, I love your wife more! No offense.

And lastly, speaking of change, everyone is sending their kiddos off to school this week and for the first time, I'm thinking of you through Momma's eyes. Now I get why it must be hard to watch them go. You're sending your precious one, whom you love, off to face the cruel and harsh world full of sinful people. Yuck. You just want to protect them and let them know you believe in them and love them unconditionally no matter what anyone else says.
Poeple often ask me if we'll homeschool since I was homeschooled. My best answer always is I'd like to wait and see what our life and our childrens' personalities are like when comes the time. But no matter what that first day of school looks like, I get the protection instinct. And I don't like the inevitableness of the situation...No more blinking...