HOPE

For all of my emotions, negative attitude, and general frustration at having a baby prematurely, today, I feel on my way to being whole again.

We got to bring Levi home, we get to snuggle him, kiss him, bathe him, love on him, and talk to him any time we want. A lot of parents don't get to do that. A lot of parents are still sitting by their baby's beside hoping and praying that they will just breathe and live, let alone come home. A lot of parents have buried their children and had to leave them permanently, not just at night. I thank God that isn't us. I ache and cry for them, but I'm so thankful it's not us.

God could choose to take Levi, or one of us, at any moment, but for now, He's shown His grace in letting us have and enjoy our little boy.

Levi had his carseat "retest" yesterday at the hospital...It was sooo hard for this Momma to be back in that hospital, back close to that NICU. I wanted to cry the whole time we were there, but I didn't. I'm crying today about it. Not tears of sadness, not really, but tears of rememberance and thankfullness to not be there anymore. It was such a hard time, so hard I didn't even realize how much so, because we were just trying to focus on getting Levi home and him being healthy that I didn't let myself feel the enormity of what was happening.
By the way,

Levi passed his test!

So no more monitor! I officially feel like I have my baby boy. We are free, free of monitors, restrictions, cords, time constraints trying to get him all hooked up...
FREE!!

But more importantly, Free to hope...

I realize today that even when I talked about the future with him, I didn't mean it in my heart. Part of me still held back because he wasn't completely finished with the scary experience. But today, we're done Lord Willing. We're done with the hospital, the NICU, the monitors, everything. He's still a preemie, still some catching up to do, but overall, he's fine, he's healthy and he's ours.

Our little miracle who isn't so tiny anymore. And I can now picture us going to see Great Grandpa & Grandma, visiting friends in other states, riding bike this summer, going on family trips, etc...

God really has given me a hope and a vision for our lives with Levi.
I feel as if I've been living with my breath held for these past 2 months, well not anymore. We have a life to live with our son, and we're going to do it!! There will still be hard days, nights without sleep, worry, concern, but overall, God has got us this far, He's not about to fail us now. No matter what happens in our lives, I have seen God's grace and mercy in our son's life and in our lives, and I can't explain my gratitude for that. The best way I know how is to raise Levi to love and glorify God. To teach him of God's great gift of salvation and to always glorify God no matter what he does. I don't dream of him being a doctor or teacher or tv man like his Daddy. I dream of him loving Christ and serving him.
What more could this Momma want?