Levi has thrush. Pretty sure I have a female form as well and no I'm not expounding on that. Except to say I assumed I'd ask my gyn for a RX for me, nope should have asked the pediatrician since I'm still nursing..blast it, now I'm waiting for a call back from his nurse, which could take hours...ugh...
Moving on, ever since being pregnant with Levi I've been fairly addicted to chocolate. I never used to be a huge must have sweets person. I was more of the salty foods variety. Now, I must have chocolate!
I really want to stop eating/drinking chocolate as I know it's not great for me and I can feel the effect it has on my body. This may be a hard thing to do. Mostly because I do crave it and don't look forward to the withdrawal process. And because working at the 'Bou has me drinking chocolate a LOT. And frankly I don't know if I would like my coffee without a little chocolate in it...I guess I need to learn. So I think I just may give up my chocolate...as soon as I finish this bag of chocolate chips of course. Wouldn't want to waste them.
On a similar note, I'm very curious about those who eat "all naturaly" I could never do it as I'm much to picky to eat greens. But I will say that I've stopped buying things that aren't made of wheat or whole grains. I'm almost out of pancake mix so either I start making my own or I need to find a wheat version. I will say cookies and crusts and breads that are homemade are where I'm falling short...I need to figure out how to substitue wheat flour and have them taste the same. I'm doing about half and half in recipes right now to maintain the texture with white flour but not have them all white...
Money, oh how we like/hate thee...To be honest without being too honest I'll just say that these medical bills and frankly regular bills are intimidating me.
Church on Sunday was amazing. Pastor Darryl gave such an amazing word picture that I was literally in tears. He basically said to hold a penny, and when we are so afraid for our jobs/homes/possessions in this economy and clinging to them, think of our salvation and Christ's work on the cross. How does that compare to our houses/jobs/posessions? They are like a penny when held to Christ. So why are we clinging so tightly to our pennies? And I was convicted, because my heart wants to know what and when God is going to work and provide for us?! We've already seen God provide so much with Levi's care, but really God, there's still tons of bills!! Don't you see how hard we're trying?! And what about when we finally pay those off? Will we ever make enough $$ to be able to buy a house? have more kids? own a non-rusted truck?!
And I was convicted, because not only do I not trust, but I think that I must have those things. That until we do we'll be "poor". I forget that what I already have is so much more than what most of the world has. Yes, we have less than most people in the city, but really, I have so much in Christ.
I'm in tears again, because I'm still convicted and I don't know how to move past that to action. I'm still wallowing in my self-pity and wanting out but wanting to wallow as well. And I know I can't. I must trust Christ and release my pennies...
I'm just not sure how.
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