Surreal...

Levi is one month old today!!! Happy Birthday Bugaboo!!!

Yes, this blog is about my life, but as I'm quickly learning, when you become a Momma, it all quickly becomes about the baby. Which I don't mind, always.

So Levi being a month old is a little surreal feeling to me. It's amazing how fast time flies and yet how slowly it goes. I can't believe Levi's already a month old. I'm trying to cherish these days and yet as seems to be normal in the newborn stage, I feel dazed and just getting through the next feeding. I'm a little sleepy at all times and especially with Levi's prematurity we don't get out much. So therefore my days kind of run into each other. I was trying to explain to Andrew how I know this is just a phase, but I feel a little cutoff from the world and a little forgotten about. Which is ridiculous...but still, it's a little surreal.

Speaking of Levi being a month old...you would think by now we'd have a diaper bag for the bugaboo, but we don't. Well, I have the free one we got in childbirth classes that holds the bare minimum things. We just can't decided what we like!! I have an awful time buying a purse because I want it to be "perfect", hold everything I want, have the right amount of pockets, be cute and stylish, etc... so a diaper bag fits into the same category, only much worse, because Andy's got to be able to carry it to and not be embaressed, and Levi's a boy, so it has to be boyish too. UGH!! This is the drama of my life, feedings and diaper bags.
I know in the light of the tragedy in Haiti this week, it could be sooo much worse!!

I realize something else now too. When I was pregnant I noticed I was starting to get more sensitive to sad commercials, people in distress, sob stories, etc...
Now that I'm a "real live Momma" it's awful. I have an awful time watching the news especially with the Haiti stories, because I just imagine that being my child. And I cry, a lot. I got connected to a family's CaringBridge site through a former co-worker and the story of their daughter's heart defect and eventual passing away tore at my heart, and I cried a lot, and prayed a lot, because I couldn't imagine losing Levi. Even with his prematurity I never feared his death, the Lord just gave me peace. But I still know with all the issues we had how easily we could have lost him, even before birth, and so I pray with thanksgiving every day for my son and his every breath.

Speaking of praying, my next big jump back into the real world is seeking to reestablish my daily times with the Lord. I've let them slide for the simple "Help us Lord" "Thank You Father" prayers that got us through the NICU experience. It was a time of simple meditation and hanging on. God simply sustained us through that time. It was a time of growth, in faith and trust and humility and evidence of His Love for us through His people. But now it's time for some real "meaty" growth. Back to the Word and Listening to where God's leading!! I will say this, these verses became my lifeline in the NICU, and I'll leave you with them today:

Isaiah 40:28-31
28Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.