Thursday, September 17, 2009

Just a case of loneliness?

So Andrew (my beloved husband), has been working evenings this week filling in for someone who's on vacation. I enjoy having him home for a while in the morning, but that fact that he doesn't get home until pretty late at night is pretty hard on me. It shouldn't matter whether I'm alone in the morning or the evening, but it does for some reason. I can be so productive in the morning after he goes to work and before I go to work, but somehow at night I just sit and wait for him to go home and feel sad and try not to cry.

That sounds so desperate and needy I'll even admit how bad that sounds. But it's true. Before I was married, I could spend a whole evening alone and not feel an ounce of sadness. I definitely have some introverted tendancies to where I need some alone time, but not like this.
I know lots of couples who can work opposite shifts from each other or just go to bed before the other one, but I have serious issues doing this. I don't go to sleep very well and I love the time with my husband. I treasure deeply going to sleep with him and waking up with him. I think some of it is our desire when we were engaged of just being in the same town together, and we couldn't wait to be married, but yet, we treasured that for marriage, so now, it's soooo precious.

Anyway, I simply treasure even more the time I get with my husband and I'll be thankful when this is done, except he's doing it again in 2 weeks, and with his job it's always a possibility that these will be his regular hours. So I have some growing to do, and some dependance on Christ instead of my husband, except I love being dependent on him. I mean, not that I don't want to be dependent on Christ, just that I don't ever want to grow independent of my husband. I'm not sure how this will all play out when I'm a new mom and up late at night and he needs to sleep, etc... Okay, I have GOT to work through this!

1 comment:

Marylisa said...

When I was first married, I worried that Big Daddy and I were too close. What if something happened to one of us? How would the other survive? The longer we are married, the more I think it's just a blessing to be this way. You're right, our first love should be Christ, but thank goodness he sometimes gives us someone to physically cling to here on earth.