Tuesday, January 31, 2012

To My Baby Girl...

Dear Baby Girl,
You're making your presence more and more known everyday. Your flips and kicks have been there for a while, but lately I'm realizing just how big you're getting. My ribs have become your newest entertainment. Your Daddy has laughed when you literally make my stomache jump with your movements. Your actions seem much more distinct than your big brother's were. He just moved a lot. You move a lot and are very accurate with your kicks/punches. :) It hurts sometimes, but I wouldn't trade them for the world. I love knowing you're there.
Mommy's been feeling a bit anxious lately. You see, you've been in my belly for 24 weeks now, and to the medical world, that means you now have a 50% chance at viability if you were born today. It scares me. I want you to stay warm and cozy and growing for at least another 10 weeks. 12 would be amazing. But more than anything, I want you here safely no matter what. So if something were to go wrong at say 30 weeks, well, I'd rather you come at 28. Daddy & Mommy have been talking about what it means to trust God fully for your life. That He knows exactly the number of your days, both in my womb and out of it.
Psalm 139 says:
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

Jesus knows exactly what you look like kicking around in there. He knows the number of days you'll stay there, and Lord willing, the number of days you'll have on this earth learning and growing. But Mommy still gets scared.

Yesterday was the due date for your twins siblings that have already been given-over to Jesus. Mommy didn't know how to feel about it. I miss them like crazy. The pain of their loss still hurts at times. But yet, I have you. God knew about you when He took them home to Him. He knew that you would fill my belly and my heart.
Some people say to be thankful Jesus took them because if He hadn't, I wouldn't have you. But I think you and I both know it doesn't work that way. Jesus' plan is perfect no matter if I have you or not. I'm thankful Jesus took them because He's sovereign, I'm not. He knew the perfect plan. Isn't it amazing Baby Girl, that your siblings work on earth was done so quickly? Jesus knows all our days, and theirs were so few, but so complete. God had a great work for them, that continues to be at work, in my heart if no where else, but they were done.

But you Baby Girl, I pray daily that your work may take a little longer. :) That you are meant for this earth. For me to snuggle and love and teach and yes, discipline. I pray that the fighter spirit you've already shown will one day be used in a mighty way for Jesus. That the Holy Spirit would be in total control of your life and you would grow to be a mighty instrument for Him.

I pray that you are in fact, My Redemption Baby. Some people would call you a rainbow. I choose Redemption. I pray God will use you to redeem the tears and grief we've shed.

I love you Baby Girl. So much already. I'm so excited to meet you. Your life is so precious to me.


1 comment:

Adell said...

Aw, what a beautiful letter. She will enjoy reading it one day! Yes, Stay safe and cozy for a while little one. :) Bless you!