Finally

I know, I know, it's been a while again. Here's the thing, when you can't write about the biggest thing you want to write about, it's hard to come up with meaningful thoughts that don't revolve around that thing. Confused?

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Meet the Newest Baby Preston.

And I'm crying. :) Tears of Joy. We've been waiting, and waiting to share. Even now I'm fighting the fear of "going public". I'm afraid as soon as we "announce" that something will happen to baby. Fear has been a big factor in this pregnancy. But God is gracious and patient, and I'm learning on a whole new level what trust REALLY means.

So baby is 12 1/2 weeks along. This ultrasound is with the baby facing you, so the eye sockets can look kind of creepy. You can see baby's leg all stretched out on the left and in the middle there's kind of a bright white streak of the arm and then just below that you can actually see the bones of a hand. Baby was moving all over for this ultrasound and the heart has been strong and Baby just looks great! We've been seeing the Dr. A LOT, we are so blessed with a Dr. who has walked us through every step of our family's journey and understands all we've been through. She loves letting us check on Baby every week. The scariest/most anxious week was that week between 7 and 8 weeks. We saw the Dr. twice that week, just to keep an eye out. That was the week where we'd lost the last 3 babies (2 pregnancies). By 8 weeks 2 days it was very evident this baby was still strong and growing limbs. :) I thought I'd be super relieved, and I was, but fear can be powerful. So we're praying and trusting and hoping.

It's been a rough pregnancy, I've never been so sick. People tend to say that being sick is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy. I don't totally agree because I was sick with every pregnancy, but this has definitely been the worst. I'm so thankful for a wonderful and supportive husband who knows how to cook. :) There were some really rough weeks in there where it took everything I posessed to just stay alive and care for Levi. We read lots of books in those weeks. And praise the Lord for Sesame Street and Signing Time. But I think we're on the upswing. I finally feel like actually seeing and talking to people again. And not just puking on their shoes. No matter what though, I'm so thankful to be pregnant. People can be a little less than careful shall we say, and when they hear you're sick share stories of people who were sick their entire pregnancies. Not exactly encouraging when you wonder if you'll ever have color in your cheeks again and actually WANT to eat. But even if I am sick the entire time, that's ok. Because Baby is SO worth it.

There's so much more to share, and in the days to come I will. I'll share some thoughts on the future weeks and what we expect the rest of this pregnancy to look like. But for now, some of my more predominant thoughts.

When I first saw the 2 pink positive lines on the pregnancy test, 8 weeks ago, I would be lieing if I told you I jumped for joy. In that moment I severely questioned our decision to try again for another baby. Because it had been so recent since we'd lost the twins. But in that fleeting second of "Lord, Please, I can't do this again" I chose a different attitude. I literally said in my mind "Lord, you created this life. You chose this baby for us and are forming it's parts, so let me rejoice in that miracle. I WILL rejoice in what you have made." It was so early, baby wasn't even a centimeter big yet, but I knew from the moment this baby was conceived, that God had planned it's life. So we would rejoice, no matter what. I am SO thankful that it appears we will get to meet this baby on this earth, but even if we don't, this baby has been a blessing from God.

Which leads to my second thought, bonding. I have to say that watching this baby grow is so different from Levi. I think with your first child you of course love and want this baby. But you don't quite grasp the reality of what that will look like. You don't understand that the moment you hear that child's first cry, your heart is now living outside your body. That your very being will love that child more than you can ever comprehend. Now, this time? I see Levi, I see the love and the intense emotion I experience for him. So I get it a little better. I feel like I've already bonded so much with this baby. I so anticipate every little whimper and sigh and snuggle and little fingers and toes to kiss. Yes, there will be rough days of course, but I can't wait to meet this little one. For I see the love and joy that I've experienced with Levi, and I can only imagine and anticipate how that will simply multiple for this next Baby.

So, there you have it. Finally, something to talk about. :) We do want to say that we so would appreciate all of your prayers and blessings for this Baby. We've been praying from day 1 for God's protection for this Baby and we continue to do so. We also choose to trust God's plan is best. But we do pray with hope and longing that this Babe is here to stay for now. So thank you, for sharing our joy and praying for us. We are so thankful.